“I know what it’s like to lose. Feel so desperately, that you were right, yet to fail, none the less.”
–Thanos
It’s frightening, turns the legs to jelly. We ask you. To what end? It can be overwhelming. Dread it. Run from it. Their destiny will arrive none the same. And now it’s here. Or, should we say…
The Karens are here.
“ On Twitter, you either die a Hero, or you live on there long enough to see yourself become a Karen.”
–Harvey Dent
Twitter Trolling
Oh the Twitterverse. So, here’s our plan: Sure, we will troll for you. It will be totally anonymous! Yeah, sounds great! Who’d want to troll if it can’t lead back to them? Ahh…everyone.
For this to work as it’s intended purpose, we will need everyone to follow us on Twitter. You will have to help us help you. See, the problem is, most people do have something great to say but it’s lost in the comments section or drowned out in an echo chamber. However, if The Karens tweet it out with the voice of a billion Karens behind it, well, that’s a whole new level. The Karens are the voice of the people, so everyone gets a voice. We hold no political stance. We are neutral on all issues, with the exception of racism and kids. Everyone deserves to be heard, right or wrong.
So, how here’s how it works: you pay us $15.00–we feel that’s enough to make people think about it, but won’t price people out from being heard. Pay the fee. Tell us who the specific accounts, if any, you want to link. Tell us the tweet. Boom, sent.
Now, we do not engage. We don’t defend. So, in the comments, the rest of you will have a say. 👍👎 is the vote, that simple. If it gets enough 👍 then we will retweet or allow a follow up tweet. We do believe this will be a great way to use our Twitter for you. We believe a lot of good change will come from having a billion Karens. People will be heard. We will make changes together.
“ I think the first duty of society is justice.”
–Alexander Hamilton
Complaint Letters / Emails
We are going back to channeling our inner Alexander Hamilton on this one. You know a solid lawyer is going to charge around $350.00 for a one page letter. Sent once. In a lot of situations, this is not needed. In quite a few cases, just a certified letter or a formal email from a legion of Karens that is willing to raise hell for you will be enough. This avenue could be needed for a problem neighbor, a friend, a family member, an employer (micro union link), the government, the list goes on.
It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to the ones called friends and family.
Now, there are times you will need a lawyer. We will tell you that and help you find one. That said, do you really think someone would rather tango with a uninvested lawyer, or, a legion of unrelenting Karens? Right...unleash The Karens!!
“ I can do this all day!”
–Captain Steve Rogers
Micro Unions
This could be the most impactful service we offer. We invented this. It’s truly amazing.
A Micro Union is an 100% anonymous labor union. This Micro Union is formed on a short term basis to bring an end to particular work injustices. Here’s an example:
You and your fellow employees are being underpaid. You cannot approach you boss about it for whatever reason. Probably because you ultimately will be punished for taking a stand. We get it, clearly, we are Karens. You reach out to us. We chat. Then, you can provide us the emails/mobiles of all your fellow employees this will impact. We reach out on our own. We give them the details, they may even have more issues that need addressed. The silent movement grows. We then present terms to the appropriate parties. Then, terms to all employees covering our tracks. They agree to terms. You lay you head down at night, a silent hero. It was an honor.
Issues will vary. It could even be an issue that you don’t want anyone else to know but your boss. It takes courage to ask for help. Join the legion of Karens. We are your loud guardian, your watchful protector.
“I am on nobody’s side because, nobody is on my side.”
–Treebeard
Arbitration
Such another great, affordable service.
We need this. As a people, we need affordable arbitration. Why fight? You got a beef?
Why have this get ugly? Don’t ruin a friendship. Don’t have a long beef with a family member. Don’t hold a grudge. Got an issue that just needs to be settled so all parties can move on? Why get the courts involved. All parties will end up spending more money then needs to be. Need a fair resolution?
Let the Council of Karens settle it in fair arbitration. We love to fight so much because we know what is fair. Fair arbitration is the way.
This is the way.
“The code is more what you call ‘guidelines’ than, actual rules.”
–Captain Barbossa
Affordable Credit Repair
The truth is, this is all on you. Yeah, the credit system is probably corrupt. I mean, you can signup to one of the credit reporting agency services and your credit auto-magically goes up. Get out of here. You go to 3 banks and get 3 different numbers. You need an affordable credit repair solution. That’s once again The Karens.
A lot of us have made poor credit choices. These choice have wrecked lives or delayed financial freedom to others. It’s due to just a lack of understanding or poor role models and mentors. We have a quite a few Karens that started from the bottom and are now on top, when it comes to credit score. Affordable credit repair is not easy. It will take a long time, and you will have to make sacrifices.
The Karens will give you affordable credit repair. We see people taking advantage and over charging. So just come here, we will give you a plan and some tools. Then, it’s all on you because that’s the best way to learn.
“Ernest Hemingway once wrote, ‘The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.’ I agree with the second part.”
–Lieutenant William Somerset
Affordable Life Coach
Life sucks. Friends can suck. Family can suck. Jobs can suck. Pets don’t suck, neither will your affordable life coach.
Most of our affordable life coaches have had a rough go at some point, so we can speak form our experiences. We are not going sell you some way to get rich, or some class or are going reread a list of things “billionaires” do that changed our lives. Yeah, sometimes that stuff or some form of it works. But, that’s not what made your life change. You did. We are absolutely not therapists. If we think you might have a metal health issue will direct you accordingly. Some people just need someone to be honest that is outside their circle. Some people just need help finding the right help. Good mentors/role models are hard to find or get. We might not be that, but we will help you take steps to help you find one, or empower you to become your own. Our affordable life coaches will guide you to take a leap of faith in yourself. Not only will you have a legion of Karens at your back, you will become the leader you need in your life!
The Karens are not the affordable life coach you deserve, but will be the one you needed!
“ The Joker can not win. Gotham needs it’s true hero… So I can do those things “.
–The Dark Knight
Super Villainy
A hero’s moral code is their guiding star.
There is always a moment in a hero’s battle against villainy when the hero’s moral code becomes clouded. They are then forced to make a choice that may in fact go against their moral code to achieve the goal, of the greater good. Many times, the hero is never the same. Some hero’s never recover. Why put yourself through that. We can be those things.
Then sometimes it takes a supervillain to beat a supervillain.
To those supervillains we are the supervillains. We have plenty of Karens that can wear that hat, happily. We have a secret vault. On secret island, where these Karens are kept. All Hannibal Lecture style. So it would be our pleasure.